if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?