he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.