Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl. http://tfl.nu/cxal
  Replies (23) Good night (1723) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2dei
  Replies (8) Good night (3184) Bad night (1651)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in. http://tfl.nu/bth8
  Replies (14) Good night (1346) Bad night (2904)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water. http://tfl.nu/tyil
  Replies (6) Good night (1615) Bad night (1350)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured (617): I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed http://tfl.nu/ilci
  Replies (14) Good night (2737) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl http://tfl.nu/f3ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1015) Bad night (1469)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever. http://tfl.nu/j15t
  Replies (5) Good night (2094) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day. http://tfl.nu/48u4
  Replies (10) Good night (2240) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcgf
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number http://tfl.nu/tvhj
  Replies (7) Good night (602) Bad night (2021)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever. http://tfl.nu/pxkj
  Replies (5) Good night (1627) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves. http://tfl.nu/nrql
  Replies (2) Good night (1002) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery" http://tfl.nu/wak2
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society http://tfl.nu/2bvl
  Replies (1) Good night (548) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad http://tfl.nu/uehf
  Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (121)

Randomize