What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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