I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger