Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

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  (818): Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/bnef
  Replies (1) Good night (2176) Bad night (465)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.

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  (817): Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes. http://tfl.nu/1ozx
  Replies (16) Good night (4298) Bad night (862)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.

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  (617): Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club. http://tfl.nu/jnj2
  Replies (6) Good night (997) Bad night (3778)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

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  (905): while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger" http://tfl.nu/ftph
  Replies (20) Good night (4260) Bad night (1080)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

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  (952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy
  Replies (11) Good night (3753) Bad night (919)
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  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (38) Good night (3838) Bad night (1627)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.

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  (318): I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter. http://tfl.nu/35y3
  Replies (11) Good night (3921) Bad night (940)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

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  (724): His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/q67j
  Replies (8) Good night (3968) Bad night (1048)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

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  (604): i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS http://tfl.nu/2yyy
  Replies (5) Good night (2999) Bad night (984)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

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  (202): he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/t5e0
  Replies (18) Good night (5449) Bad night (685)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

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  (610): She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out http://tfl.nu/xh8n
  Replies (2) Good night (1435) Bad night (577)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He does that

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  (774): Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back! (508): He does that http://tfl.nu/zi1j
  Replies (4) Good night (2575) Bad night (749)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.

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  (407): Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas. http://tfl.nu/zp3l
  Replies (6) Good night (1786) Bad night (487)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".

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  (678): His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high". http://tfl.nu/jgmh
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (409)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Please never have kids.

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  (727): I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour. (1-727): Please never have kids. http://tfl.nu/il5z
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (224)

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