If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
