You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
