My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
