ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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