how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
