I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
