Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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