So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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