theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
