new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize