if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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