Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
