The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
