Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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