I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
