my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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