it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
