your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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