just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
