clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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