he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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