the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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