How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
