i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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