I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
