Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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