Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
