i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
