i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
