uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
