i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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