The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
