im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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