Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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