My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
