he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
