also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
