now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
