Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
