Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
