She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
