I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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