This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
