i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
