her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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