Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
