Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
