weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
