I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
