last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
