There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
