i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
