White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
