And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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