Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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