I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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