I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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