"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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