me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
