I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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