I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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