why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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