Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
