Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
