We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
