the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
