He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
