can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
