their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
