we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
