I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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