barbara walters just said penis...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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