I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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