you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
