I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
